Testing Temptation
by S3ab3ar
Summary: Stan reflects on how desire can lead to changing everything. [StanxAngel].


Title: Testing Temptation

Author: S3ab3ar

Genre: One shot, angst, romance.

Rating: R

Fandom: Pose

Summary: Stan reflects on how desire can lead to changing everything. StanxAngel. One shot.

Disclaimer: I do not own Pose and nor do I get compensation for this work of fiction.

* * *

Stan never thought in a million years he'd do something like this.

He never cheated on any of his past relationships and having the audacity (courage is the preferred term he'd like to use) to step out on Patty, his loyal and beautiful wife, was so out of character for him.

—Yet, invigorating all at the same instance.

None of this was ever planned.

Just taking a detour by the piers in his car one day really started it all.

Stan did not know anything that went on around this area until he saw it for himself. He is from the suburbs and lived a mostly quiet and conservative lifestyle. Boring is the word he liked to use to describe his whole upbringing.

He saw all the working women hustling the drivers slowing down by the pier. Some of them stepped into the vehicle and drove off with the Johns and some declined and turned around to wait for a better deal. It took Stan a while to realize these transactions were unfolding before his very eyes out in broad daylight (mostly nights, to be more specific). He'd never seen such a thing in person, although he knew it existed. Observing more closely, he realized the majority of the working girls waiting around, all dolled up, are, in fact, trans.

This blew Stan's mind. He was surprised to say the least.

He did not speculate whether this was, possibly, not the case long enough; one of the working girls spotted his car idling around too long and walked over to figure out if it was a potential client or a cop.

From the small exchange—"No, baby, you got the wrong place. This turf is only for men lookin' for the company of men or ladies with a little something extra, if you know what I mean." She winked and sashayed away—he got his answer loud and clear. He did not return to the piers for several months after that.

Although, the idea of driving past the piers never left his mind.

The thought wormed its way every so often to the foreground of his thoughts. More so when he was driving from the city. He obsessively considered taking the route that passed by the piers.

* * *

One Tuesday (it was a late afternoon), he decided to drive along the piers.

Patty wasn't expecting him home anytime soon; given that he recently began working overtime hours at the office.

Stan pulled up to the curb and sat there for awhile. He had no plans on doing anything, per say, but just being in the very vicinity provoked a small thrill within him. It felt wrong in a way.

He couldn't understand it, really. He just rationalized it as pure curiosity.

Perhaps, all this "curiosity" is a direct result of being brought up in such a confined, reserved environment?

Stan preferred to use that reason to blame for his newfound interest. Ahem, curiosity. Right.

He directed his attention to the cluster of working girls standing in groups by the pier. A few of them dressed rather scandalous and others rather casual. Stan noted some did not "pass", crudely putting it, and some did.

One of them stood out to him. Stan could not take his eyes off of her. She was quite beautiful. Correction, out of the ordinary type of beautiful; clear, tawny brown complexion, tall and slender with a small frame. Her features were delicate and sculpted. The dark, cloudy mane of curls bounced with her every movement.

Stan just stared at her for what felt like an eternity from the safety of his car. Her smoldering, dark brown eyes glanced over toward his and locked in his gaze. Her pouty lips curled into a knowing smile.

Stan's eyes widened, he quickly turned the key into the ignition and drove off.

The next couple of weeks he drove by the pier to park the car there, idling for a few moments to steal a glance at the working girl he secretly fixated on, then, as part of this silly and redundant routine, drove away back to New Jersey.

And, then, the chance encounter happened.

The working girl with the small, billowing curls approached his car. She popped her head in by the passenger side window and words were exchanged. Stan swallowed nervously before opening the car door. She gingerly slipped into the seat as casual and nonchalant as any of these individuals make it to be. After so many encounters with Johns, the discomfort and shyness ceased to exist and it suddenly turned into a routine.

They drove away and the start of something unprecedented and titillating began.

* * *

Her name was Angel.

And, she, by all accounts, enchanted Stan with her sultry eyes and permanent pout. She allowed him to run his hand through her soft, fluffy curls and he marveled at how much different her hair felt compared to Patty's long, straight locks.

Angel and Patty were opposites in many a sense of the word. Stan tried to never compare the two. He liked the differences just fine. In the case of Angel, he quite enjoyed how distinct she looked, a proud Puerto Rican, and unapologetically honest about her sexuality and lifestyle.

* * *

The first time he had sex with Angel, he realized at once there was no going back to his old life.

His Christian upbringing judged everything he was doing from the moment he stripped down to his bare skin and slipped off every article of clothing on her person. He felt lost and unsure of how to proceed in this unknown territory. What is appropriate? What will feel good and what is she expecting? Is he okay with experimenting with her genitals and will Angel like having her member stroked the way he likes? He did not know where to begin.

He felt guilt and discomfort going along with this, but once Angel leaned in and planted a soft kiss on his lips, he lost all self-control; his desire overriding all logic. He pulled her to him and deepened the kiss, his hands roaming the smooth expanse of her flesh. Her hands slid down his chest, past his abdomen, tracing lightly over the pubic bone.

He wasn't sure of how to proceed once Angel finish working on him down there. Did he have to return the gesture? He was feeling hesitant and unsure of how to go about it. Sensing something was amiss, Angel peered up at him and paused. She saw Stan's faraway gaze and she immediately stopped and pulled away. She sat up, meeting his gaze. She asked, "Is something wrong?"

Stan blinked a few times, realizing she ceased all activity and was inquiring about something. For a brief moment, Stan said nothing in return. He only took that moment to take in her slender body in full detail, every curve, nook and cranny and, then, carefully settling his eyes over her privates. It felt out of place on her feminine small frame, like it didn't belong, but at the same instance, it evoked a strong response within him.

He reached over and Angel's immediate response was of disapproval and distress. She quickly pushed him back and turned away; very upset with Stan.

"I'm sorry, did I do something wrong here?" Stan asked, confused and worried as well as embarrassed his first time touching her down there went wrong.

Angel's dysphoria toward her male genitalia was strong enough to put her off and prevent her from continuing. She even started tearing up. "I am okay with everything and just about anything, but when it comes to that, I can't ," she said through choked words, wanting to cry. " It's difficult for me sometimes since I can't be me because of that."

His heart dropped to his stomach. This was not going as he originally planned. It all went wrong.

The night was basically over after that. She turned away and curled into a ball. She did not speak to him again until the next day.

On the following day, Stan relentlessly apologized while trying to understand what he did wrong. His genuine confusion toward her reaction made it easier for Angel to forgive the mistake. When Angel finally broke it down to Stan as to why touching her down there bothered her to no end, he felt pretty crappy and a bit embarrassed. He always considered Angel as a feminine and attractive woman despite the reality of who she is. To Stan, she was simply a woman with something extra and it didn't matter to him whether she decided to remain as she is now or decide to get bottom surgery to be a complete woman. Angel words, not Stan's.

A small part of him felt a touch disappointed the opportunity to explore that part of himself with Angel is out of reach.

A tiny part of him—very tiny, mind you—was intrigued and turned on by a woman with male parts. A tiny silver of hope waited on the possibility Angel will come around and permit Stan to explore her body in full without any reservations or discomforts.

He never put pressure on her for it.

And, after a couple of months of seeing one another, she did warm up to a few things here and there. She mostly did conceded to it out of blind love and devotion for Stan.

Stan always respected her boundaries and she was comfortable enough to try out something new with him.

"New" for him, anyways.

On one night they spent together, they decided to go the whole nine yards. It was one of the most raw moments Stan could recall experiencing having his comfort zone pushed past its normal limits. A part of him came to grips with what was happening; he'd register this was actually occurring in real time—he was really doing this with someone else.

He was really doing this, he thought to himself for the 10th consecutive time as he continued on pleasuring Angel.

Mixed sets of emotions ran through his mind; disbelief, guilt, excitement, intrigue, arousal and others he struggled to put a name to. He couldn't stop, though. The mounting pleasure he felt was irresistible.

Once everything was over, Angel smiled. Stan returned the smile, wrapping his arms around her and settling into the embrace as the dawn slowly approached. In the recesses of Stan's mind, he discern this whole secret eventually had to come to an end one day.

A small tear of sorrow and frustration escaped him. He tightened his embrace, holding Angel close as if she were at risk to disappear into thin air.

He refused to end his time with his beloved mistress.

But, all secrets come to light at one point.

* * *

"Do you love me?"

Angel asked, yet again, for what felt like the 100th time.

He smiled, his warm, intense eyes drawing her in like they always did. "Yes."

"How can you love me and your wife?"

"I don't know, but I just do. I know what I feel for you. I can't stop it even if I tried." He cupped her chin and pressed a soft kiss on her lips.

She frowned, eyes looking down. The false lashes fanning on the tops of her cheekbones. "I wish I didn't have to share," said Angel, in a melancholy tone. "I am always stuck as second best to someone."

_When will I be someone's first choice?_ She thought, morosely.

Stan wanted to dispute the claim, but given the circumstances of their unique situation he wasn't able to deny the truths of the matter.

Being with her made him happy, but the fear of losing his family and marriage to Patty, his reputation amongst all, is not an easy decision to take. He lacked the moral convictions and courage to face the music.

He does not know if he ever will have the courage or heart to leave Patty.

And, overall, be honest to himself.

"One day everything will fall into place and I will take care of you," he replied, soothingly.

Angel looked up into his eyes, trying to convince herself it will happen, that everything will be okay.

But, no prince in blue will ever come to rescue her.

She realized this sad, oh, so, sad fact on the day she collected her things from the apartment she shared with Stan. He left a note, kicking her out of their little safe nest and that was that.

She returned to Blanca's place heartbroken and humiliated. Over the course of several weeks, he came round and tried to paint this pretty happy ending if she returned to him and, despite the love and desire to run back to Stan, she said, "No."

Among the other things she told him before she disappeared from his life, saying 'no' have to had been the bravest and most self defining moment in her life.

Months and some years later, she sometimes remembered Stan and dreamed of him. Regardless, she contented herself with just the ghost of his memories.

And, Stan, as well, definitely remembered Angel. Her voice and seductive smile often kept him awake at night as he pondered over his existence.

**The End**.


End file.
